Augusta National’s Powerful Menu Ranking

0

AUGUSTA, Ga. — If you know nothing else about the Masters at Augusta National, you know these two eternal truths: the course is beautiful and the food is cheap.

You’re on your own to get to the course – you either have to win the annual ticket lottery, befriend a badge holder, or start saving now for the 2028 tournament. Here’s the good news, though: once you get there, you aren’t going to spend a lot of money on food. You can feed a family of four for the price of a few stadium beers.

When it’s time to make your selections, however, which way do you turn? You know the chili cheese sandwiches, but let us introduce you to some of Augusta National’s hidden culinary gems. We sampled all of these – not all at once; being revived by a Masters-branded defibrillator isn’t an Augusta National experience we wanted — and here we have the definitive rundown of all 31 menu items in 2022. Let’s get started:

31. Egg Salad Sandwich ($1.50): The worst. Who wants egg salad while strolling on a golf course in the spring? People will try to tell you this is the best Masters sandwich. These people have spent too long swallowing azaleas. The inexplicable popularity of this gooey sandwich is one of Augusta National’s enduring mysteries, right up there with “hey, where are all the squirrels?”

30. Apple Slices ($1.00): Apple slices in Augusta are not imbued with mystical energy. It’s just apple slices.

29. Banana ($1.00): It’s a banana. You might be tempted to see if you can jump it across the pond on the 16th hole. We urge you to resist this temptation.

28. Fresh Mixed Fruit ($2.00): Hit a little plastic fruit jar in the morning and it totally makes up for the seven sandwiches, brownies and beer you have the rest of the day.

27. Peanuts ($1.50): Masters brand peanuts are snacks for the less adventurous. If that is your choice, it is better that everything else is exhausted.

26. Masters Blend Fresh Brewed Coffee ($2.00): Useful for raising the pulse on a cold Augusta morning, but take it back and switch to beer.

25. White Wine (Chardonnay) ($6.00): There are places in Augusta National that serve perfectly chilled wine from vineyards you never knew existed in crystal glasses worth more than your car. You are not invited to these places. Grab this in your souvenir plastic cup and don’t make a scene.

24. Freshly Brewed Iced Tea ($2.00): The “Arnold Palmer” is not on the menu, but you can grab a lemonade and tea and make your own mixology on the fly.

23. Ham and Cheese on Rye ($3.00): Like your mom made you before school, but wrapped in green cellophane instead of a Zip-Loc bag. And mom probably wouldn’t let you have a draft beer with it.

22. Muffins ($1.50): To consume preferably when you walk quickly, without running! — to post at Amen Corner early in the morning.

21. Chicken Salad on Brioche ($3.00): Oooh, fantasy. Pretty much the same shots as egg salad, but real chicken is still better than pre-chicken.

20. Cookies ($1.50): Your basic range of chocolate chips, white chocolate, macadamia nuts… all perfectly moist and delicious. But as with peanuts, go for something fancier. You are in Augusta.

19. Beer (Home Light) ($5.00): It’s a brand you’ve heard of and probably used hundreds of times. Augusta National doesn’t allow brands to use their own names, but if you like your standard American light beer, you’ll enjoy this one.

18. Sausage Cookie ($3.00): Throw a few as soon as you arrive and you’ll have the fuel to climb 18 later in the day.

17. Bottled Water ($2.00): Always hydrate. Plus, it comes in a lovely Masters branded bottle. The water was not bottled at Rae’s Creek. Most likely.

16. Chicken Cookie ($2.00): Simple chicken on a cookie. Does the job very well. A breakfast dish with no birdie or bogey.

15. Beer (import) ($5.00): Another brand you know well, with a slightly more crunchy taste. Look, it’s cold beer on a golf course. You know it’s gonna be good.

14. Chocolate Toffee Brownie ($1.50): Oh yeah, here we go. Enter the heart of order now. A nuclear warhead of calories, a delicious annihilation of your diet for a week.

13. Masters Chips (plain/bbq) ($1.50): Pro tip: These are just chips, but your friends who didn’t make the trip won’t know. Buy 10 bags of these things, distribute them as souvenirs and avoid the huge and even bigger queue in the goods market.

Welcome to the Masters. Let’s eat. (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)

12. Classic Chicken Sandwich ($3.00): Augusta National is not going to win the chicken war with this sandwich. Related note: Augusta National doesn’t care about chicken wars.

11. Advil/Aleve ($0.50): Buy a handful. You will need it after a long day of walking the course.

10. Masters Club ($3.00): Strong combination of turkey, ham, cheese and mustard, a nice little protein bomb to get through the afternoon lull.

9. Chilli Cheese ($1.50): The elders will tell you that old chili cheese was better, but the elders say that about everything. This is the Tiger Woods of the Masters food menu, the one everyone has to check out for themselves. And like Tiger Woods, he’s a bit lower in the rankings than his reputation suggests.

8. Masters Trail Mix ($1.50): Your standard mix of nuts and dried fruits. Like everything else at Augusta National, you’ll tear it up and want another one immediately.

7. Mini Moon Pie ($1.00): If you’ve never had the southern delicacy that is a Moon Pie, start here. The fact that you have to unbox each of them will slightly prevent you from eating several dozen at a time.

6. Crow’s Nest Beer ($5.00): Augusta National’s “house beer”, it has a familiar taste of wheat beer. Bonus points because it comes in its own distinctive branded green plastic cup, and having distinctive Masters merchandise that you can show people back home is part of the joy of attending the Masters in the first place.

5. Georgia Pecan Caramel Popcorn ($1.50): It’s the masters variation on Cracker Jack, and like Cracker Jack in a baseball stadium, you can inhale it.

4. Soda/Lemonade/Sports Drink ($2.00): “Cola” and “lime” and “sports drink” are all trademarks known by generic names. This ranks so highly because you can Frankenstein your own Masters delicacy: “Stand 12,” a combination of “blue sports drink” and lemonade, with a twist of “lime soda” in between. They won’t do it for you at concession stands anymore, but there’s no law against doing it yourself. A perfect drink.

3. Georgia Salted Pecan Caramel Cluster ($1.50): It’s like a trip to Amen Corner for your mouth! Salty and sweet, it’s the kind of delicacy you taste once and realize that it’s a good thing not to have unlimited access to it all year round.

2. Bar-B-Que ($3.00): The best example of food that tastes so much better on Augusta National Field than anywhere else on earth. Simple tomato-based pork barbecue in a warm, soft bun, it’s strong on its own and transcendent when you throw in a chilli cheese spread.

1. Georgia Pecan Caramel Chocolate ($1.50): This one hits all the marks of a perfect Masters item: sweet, southern, and cheap enough that you can grab a handful…if you can find them. As the Garden Gnome Masters, it disappears from the shelves in a hurry every day. I’m not saying you should get up before dawn to grab one of these gems, but I’m also not saying you shouldn’t.

RIP for 2022: Peach Ice Cream Sandwich: GOAT snacks from the Masters. A soft peach ice cream between two soft sugar cookies, it was absolutely the best item on the menu. Absent due to some alleged and unspecified “supply chain issues”, Augusta National misses more than Phil Mickelson. Hurry back soon, Peach Ice Cream Sandwich. The world needs you.

There. You can buy the full menu for around $100, but we really wouldn’t recommend it. Enjoy the Masters, my friends.

Make your selections.  (Andrew Redington/Getty Images)

Make your selections. (Andrew Redington/Getty Images)

_____

Jay Busbee is a staff writer for Yahoo Sports. Follow him on Twitter at @jaybusbee or contact him at jay.busbee@yahoo.com

Share.

Comments are closed.